I’ve been saying that we act in accordance with what we truly believe to be true about that world. That’s mostly true.

But sometimes we act in ways that we really, truly don’t want to act. We really do believe in a value, but our actions betray us. We have ingrained habits of thought or feeling or behavior that get in our way.

In order to live out our values consistently, sometimes we need to evolve our character.

Character formation

Your character is what you naturally and effortlessly do.

Most of us are good at keeping our less desirable character traits in check most of the time. But when we’re under pressure, who we naturally are comes out.

It’s not enough to be someone who outwardly doesn’t show anger. You want to ultimately become a person who truly isn’t angry.

Character formation is the process of doing this. We often think of our character as something that doesn’t change. But this isn’t true. Your character evolves over time.

And you can control this process. Just as you would set goals for other areas of your life, you can set goals for the development of your character. You can train your character.

The best way I’ve found is through the intelligent application of disciplines.

Disciplines

A discipline is anything that allows you to do what you cannot do by direct effort. There are no right or wrong answers to what disciplines you use. And you don’t necessarily have to use them forever. They’re like medicine - the point is ultimately to not need them, or to need them with decreasing frequency over time.

I have found certain disciplines are helpful for certain aspects of my character I’m trying to form. These are not meant to be prescriptive - the point is to find what works best for you.

• Anger: fasting is useful here. When you first try to deprive your body of food (or social media, or whatever), your body goes through withdrawal. It gets testy. With practice you learn how to handle those feelings and tolerate the discomfort. Over time this can help you become a less angry person.
• Impatience: fasting is again useful here, by delaying your need for instant gratification. But there are dozens of other practices that can be helpful. Driving in the slow lane on purpose. Deliberately getting in the longest line when checking out at the grocery store.
• Pride: pride usually comes from a preoccupation with the self. And pride is always comparative, which leads to judgment. Service is a useful antidote, especially when you serve others in secret. Posting a picture of yourself at the soup kitchen doesn’t make your act of service bad. But it does eliminate its usefulness as a discipline to work on pride. Another one for me has been practicing not having to have the last word. By default, when someone disagrees with me (in person, especially online) I feel this huge urge to write back. To defend my opinion. Deliberately letting them have the last word, letting them “win” trains me to control my pride.
• Listening: if you struggle with dominating conversation or not listening to others, you can practice in meetings by intentionally not speaking until everyone else has had an opportunity. Or by intentionally summarizing what other people have said to you before moving forward. Or by trying to ask follow up questions.
• Preoccupation with work: this often stems from either too closely identifying yourself with your job, or by fear that everything will crumble if you aren’t always on. Implementing a “digital sabbath” day where you don’t allow yourself to look at your phone or computer can be useful. So can solitude - deliberately going somewhere quiet with no phones, devices, or books - to literally practice doing nothing. Learn to “let the world get on just fine without you.”
• Anxiety: “fear casting” - forcing yourself to think about the worst case scenario and realizing it’s probably not that bad - can be incredibly useful. So can a daily gratitude practice. So can the pursuit of simplicity - the more stuff we have the more things we have to worry about.

After you finalize your values, you’ll identify areas of your character you’d like to evolve. You’ll think about the disciplines you could adopt to train your body and mind in the formation of that character trait. And later in the program you’ll identify the rituals and cadences necessary to practice those disciplines consistently.