The biggest mistake I’ve seen with values is people select ones they think they should have, but not ones they actually have.
Values ultimately manifest themselves in action. And you only act in accordance with what you actually believe, not what you claim you believe.
Values you don’t actually believe in won’t be sufficiently compelling. And you’ll find yourself acting in ways that are contrary to your stated values. In society we call these people hypocrites. The world might not know you’re doing this, but you’ll feel that tension in yourself. You’ll feel unnecessary shame.
Don’t ask which values are important to you. Ask which ones you can’t live without.
The best way I’ve found for doing this is to play “would you rather.”
As an example, imagine you could either only have fun for the rest of your life but no integrity. Or have only integrity but no fun. If you had to choose one, which would you choose?
Forcing yourself to make trade offs can be hugely clarifying.